Something glorious is about to happen.

Title of this post is from "Positive Tension" by Bloc Party off their "Silent Alarm" album. The first time I put the CD on it gave me chills. It's perfect in every way and if I was the producer I would change nothing about it.

I'm about to talk about my bipolar disorder. If you don't like discussions about mental disorders, ignore this post and browse around to the meager other five I wrote, another one being about it as well.

For the readers that know me, I was diagnosed with bipolar type 2 in December of 2005. As of this writing I take 10 pills for it, split up into four separate medicines, and a sedative as needed. The amount of this medicine inhibits me from doing things I'd like to do at my age, such as drink more than two beers at parties, or maybe smoke up if a friend invites me, even though I kicked the habit over the summer. The thing is, I want to be a regular experimental yet struggling 20-something. Instead, I am a very troubled, sick, and struggling 20-something.

But I realized something. I finally accept my disorder. I have recently come to terms with my life and am at peace with myself. I do not know if it is perpetual mania or if I am finally enlightened, despite the fact that I will still have mood swings, but now I know how to handle them. I have experienced things long enough to know how to handle a situation and how to stop and excuse myself if something should happen in a public situation. I have learned to be selfish, because what it comes down to is that I have to look out for myself first. I live this life only once and I want to look back in my old age and think I lived an important and full life.

I have the luck of having of a loving family that supports me and is behind all my choices. They send me to two therapists that I respect and trust. If I ever feel I need to commit myself, they stand behind my decision. I couldn't ask for a better support system than my family.

After living almost five years with the disorder I have come to the realization that if a cure to bipolar was discovered tomorrow, I would not take it. I would not take it because I am so used to living like this that if I was "better," I would not know how to react. This life is too familiar to me and I finally accept it now.

That's all for now.
Peace.